In my dreamland

“You didn’t know how happy I am…”
“You didn’t know how long I waited…”
…tears fall from their eyes…

A dream is a succession of thoughts, images, sounds or emotion which the mind experiences during sleep time. Dreams bring us in different world to experience happiness, sadness or even frightening events. There’s no way to escape but to accept it doesn’t exist. It’s like having another life in another world. Another life in a fake world.

But for me… my dream brings me in a world I wished its reality...

JERIC

It’s Sunday morning, a lovely heat of the sun welcomes my morning. Mom is calling me for breakfast but before I went to the kitchen, I recall all the things that happened here. I examined this room and still it’s the room I used to be with. Nothing’s change here except the new wallpaper. The light aura of this room is still the same. It’s nice to be back here.

I went to the kitchen and I see Grandma and Mom gave their finishing touches on our breakfast. We had pandesal and kesong puti, fresh milk, hot chocolate and coffee, strawberry and ube jam, we also have ham, bacon and egg. What a feast for a breakfast!

The breakfast is one of a kind. I experienced eating this kind of breakfast every vacation here. The efforts is appreciated especially my Grandma is the best when it comes of preparing our breakfast.

Grandma saw me staring at her. “Hijo, come and join us. I and your mother prepared this breakfast.”

The dining table was beautifully arranged and for sure… you will not refuse to eat here. These mouth watering foods make you hungry. I sit and Grandma headed the prayer. I was thankful for having this life. Thankful for having this family.
“Drive safely huh,” Grandma said to Dad when he was drinking his hot coffee. “Of course Grandma! Please take care of yourself here. Always keep in touch with us,” Dad replied.

After our breakfast, I packed my things and prepare myself to go home. It’s been a month when I and my parents stay at family’s rest house in Batanes for vacation. I will miss enjoying the cool breeze of wind, calm sound of the sea waves, the lovely set of sunrise and of course… our breakfast.
I went to the balcony which has the view of the blue ocean. Mom is sitting there and looking at the birds that fly high in the sky. I saw her eyes thinking.

“Mom, I’m so excited to go home,” I said to Mom. “But I also want to stay here, it’s very peaceful here,” I added.
“Me too Jeric, this house is still the same house when you’re still a child. Remember?” Mom said.
“Yes, each and every piece of the house is complete. Nothing’s change except for the death of Grandpa.”
“I know my father is always guiding this house and protecting it for Mama. I know Mama wanted to live here with the memories of my father and it’s the only thing that makes her happy,” Mom explained to me. “By the way Jeric, have you checked Mama’s secret?”
“What secret?”
“Wait, I will show you.” Mom leave and I heard her talking to Grandma, I heard the sounds of their conversation but I didn’t understand it.
Mom returned carrying an old big box. The box is made of abaca. It is really delicate.
Mom opened it and inside it… there are things.
“What is that?” I said with my innocent voice.
“This is what you called dream catchers.”
I get one of the dream catchers from the box and examined it. There’s no special thing in here and it’s kinda weird!
Grandma with her slow walk join us in the balcony. “Do you know what dream catchers are?” she asked me.
I shook my head.
“You can hang it above your bed so you will avoid bad dreams. Only good dreams would be allowed to filter through… bad dreams will stay in the net. Good dreams would pass through and slide down the feathers to the sleeper.” Grandma said.
“Ah… okay! Where did you get all this?” I’m confused.
“Your Grandpa bought it when he was on a trip.”
“Can I have two of this?”
“Of course hijo, will you give the other one to someone special?” Grandma asked with a teasing smile.
“Jeric is my baby! No girlfriends huh!” Mom interrupt us.
Then we all laugh.
“Grandma, how these dream catchers becomes a secret? What’s behind this thing?” I frankly asked.
“I believe these dream catcher really works. They give me good dreams… with your Grandpa. It’s always a wonderful dream with him. Sometimes, when I dreamt of him… I wanted to go where he is now living. I wanted to share my life with him and I can’t accept the fact that he exist only in my memories.” Grandma started to cry. A cry of missing someone.

Mom and I hugged Grandma. I really felt in her tears how she loves my Grandpa. After that situation, Grandma went to her room and said she needed time to relax while Mom decided to buy a souvenir for her friends.
“Jeric, take a look at this one. I hope Jane will like this necklace... I know she likes seashells.” Mom said while holding the souvenir for Tita Jane, Anne’s mother.
“Of course, Tita Jane will like that…”I assured her.
Dad called us because we needed to go home. We said goodbye to Grandma and I kissed her goodbye on her cheeks. Mom hugged her and said that she will miss her. Mom said “till next vacation again Mama.”

We travel for hours and I fell asleep while dad was driving.
“Jeric… wake up… we’re here.” said mom. I checked my watch and its 6:30 in the evening. I know I had a good dream but I can’t remember it. After having a dream, I remember what Anne said, “If you can remember your dreams, you have a good memory.”

I always have bad dreams and even nightmares but this time I know I had a good one but too bad…I can’t even recall it. “Please…do your job.” I whisper to the two dream catchers I got from Grandma.

The next morning, I and mom visited at Montreal’s house carrying the souvenirs we brought for them. Tita Jane was watering her flowers in the front yard when we saw her. “Jane, how are you?” Mom greeted her.
“Oh, Lucy and Jeric, how was the vacation? I’m fine.”
“Tita, where’s Anne?” I ask.
“She’s in the backyard, she’s preparing OUR lunch,” Tita answered as if she knows we will visit today.

I leave Mom and Tita and went to the backyard to see Anne.
“Anne!” I said. I saw her preparing some grilled steaks. It smelled terrific.
“Jeric!” she looked surprise. “I miss you,” My lovely Anne said. I miss the way she’s saying this. It’s normal to us since we’re bestfriends.
“I miss you too… I have something for you,” I gave her the dream catcher.
“Oh, it’s a… a beautiful souvenir… thank you,” I notice there’s a puzzle in her expression.
“It’s a dream catcher,” It is made of willow and sinew. It has cyan wooden hoops with an imitation of spider’s web made of fine yarn. Down the tear-shape of willow are feathers which colors are combination of white and brown.
“Dream catcher?” she asks. She’s not familiar with the thing.
“Yeah, you can hang it above your bed, so you will avoid bad dreams. Only good dreams would be allowed to filter through… bad dreams will stay in the net,” I demonstrated to her. ”Good dreams would pass through and slide down the feathers to the sleeper. It’s nice, isn’t it? Actually, I google it,” I pretended that I searched for it.
“Oh, thank you, you research huh? Why’d you have to buy me this? I always have a good one with the man of my dreams… in my dreamland,” Fantasizing her man of her dreams.
She’s always like that. She can remember her dreams, jot down to her dream notebook as if she was listening to her teacher trying not to miss any details. She’s obsessed with her leading man… the man of her dreams. How I wish it is me.
Sigh.
“By the way, I had two tickets for the premiere of the Last Song, would you like to come?” I hope she will say ‘yes’.
“Sure! I love to see that movie! I heard the soundtrack and it’s really nice! When?”
“Wednesday night, I pick you up at 8p.m.”
“Deal,” She said with her beautiful smile.

Wednesday night
I am going to Anne’s house when I already saw her.
“Jeric! You’re 45 minutes late!” she shouted. Though she’s angry, she still looked beautiful in her knee length red dress with her catchy shiny doll shoes. I remember when I was with her customizing her dream doll shoes.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you are that excited…” I laughed. Its 15 minutes before 8.”
“Huh?” Anne checked her watch and burying herself with embarrassment. “Sorry…”
I am really excited but I don’t like to show her. The movie was good but I appreciate more the book. Anne let me borrow her book of The Last Song written by Nicholas Sparks. Reading novels was not part of my hobbies but I read the book because Anne wants me to. I didn’t focus on the movie and there are many preoccupations in my mind not until I realize the movie was finish.
“I love it! It made me cry…” she said.
“Yeah, I noticed,” I smiled.

ANNE

I woke up and when I opened my eyes I saw the dream catcher he gave me. The night was very fun. It’s one of the most memorable moments with Jeric. And I love the night because I had such a good dream. I think this dream catcher really works. I get my dream notebook from my study table and write what I dreamt last night.
May 10, 2005
I am the leading lady of the man of my dreams. In my dream, I play the piano even in reality I can’t. He was sitting beside me and listens whenever I play my own music. It’s very romantic when he’s just listening there and giving definition to every note I played.
It’s a very nice dream but one thing bothers me. I can remember my dreams in detail but his face… his face… I barely remember it.
Is it Jeric?
I am not sure but I know we will meet again in my dreamland.

I get my cellphone to text Jeric. I greeted him and thanked him for inviting me to watch the movie with him.

Good morning. Thank you for inviting me. I had fun last night. Xoxo! – Anne
When I think of Jeric and his family, I can’t deny to myself that sometimes I envy them. Lopez was a perfect family. Despite of the busy schedule of his parents managing their growing companies, they still find time for their son. They always checked on him as if he was still a baby but it’s a good thing. I have seen their efforts and hardwork to give what’s best for Jeric. On the other hand, Jeric was a good example of a son that every married couple wanted. He’s kind, loving, and he didn’t hesitates to help other people who are in need. He’s perfect… how I wish he was the man of my dreams.

Afterward Anne left her room and went downstairs and directed to the kitchen. She saw her mom chopping some carrots and potatoes.
“Ahm… mom… do I really have to study in public school?” I gingerly asked.
My mother stopped for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “I’m afraid to admit but your father can’t afford to bring you in private university… like Jeric,” Mom responded with disappointment. “I’m sorry honey.”
“It’s okay mom, I understand,” I directed to my room and lie in my bed. It was hard for our family to experience this crisis that our hand-made crafts and shoe factory was facing. I think of my life when I was a child and I realized I never thank my parents for all the things they’ve given me. I am a spoiled brat, I admitted, I can easily get things that I wanted.

We also travel in different parts of the country and outside the country. Mom and Dad love beaches and sometimes we travel on different countries to relax and shop. We had a life that we are not worrying about money. At that time, our business was successful.

But now things got worse, I have to accept the fact… we are buried in debt.
Mom called me and said the lunch was prepared. We ate our lunch and we chose to be quiet.
The silence is deafening.

The next morning, I went to school to fix my papers for studying in public university.
“Anne!” It’s Jeric’s voice.
“Jeric…” my heart skips a beat whenever I looked at him.
“Are you ready for enrollment?” he asks.
I attempted a smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, hmm… mom said I need to study in public school…” the words came out wounded,” that’s all we can afford… for now,” I responded hiding my disappointment.
“Huh? I don’t believe you Anne! You don’t need to study there. We will study at the same school, right? ” Jeric was shocked from what he heard.
“I’m not lying.”
I tell him the whole story. Our business was not getting good sales at all and still my father tried his very hard to save their factory. My father inherited this business from his father… and up to now he’s trying to save what still left for us.
I know Jeric feels bad for me. We had plans for college life and all the plans… I ruined it! He even offered Tita Lucy will pay for my tuition fee.
He insists.
I refused to what he offered, Mom will be mad at me if I accept it. Mom doesn’t want other people support our needs. My parents wanted to solve things in their own.
I got home and went to my room feeling hard and preoccupied. I am thinking of going to school. It’s our first time to be ‘separated’. It’s hard to accept things especially when Jeric will be away from me. What if he finds another girl as his bestfriend? What if…? She thought while staring at the dream catcher he gave to me.

JERIC

How can I help her? He was totally bothered.
What if she finds another guy as her bestfriend? What if…?

Sigh.

I think I need to tell the truth about my feelings. I need to take risks… the important thing is she knew I love her. He thinks about it all night until he landed on one simple plan.

The next morning, Jeric woke up and get his cellphone to text Anne.
Good morning Anne. This afternoon I will go to the park. Would you like to come? I will treat you ice cream for your company.
Good morning. I’m free today and excited for the ice cream.
Okay, we can meet at our favorite place at 4p.m. Sharp.
Okay boss.

I arrived in our favorite spot in the park. I was 30 minutes earlier. I looked in the big tree. Under this tree was a bench. It’s a perfect bench for two and a perfect place to rest because it’s in the shadow. It’s our bench. We used to call it ours because many memorable situations happened in this place. This tree has survived for many years… still strong. I remembered when my parents said they also liked this place. My dad proposed to my mom in this exact place. Well it’s a lucky tree. I thought. I sit on the bench while waiting for Anne. As the hand of my watch ticks at exact 4 Anne arrived.
“You’re on time!” she’s pretty today. I noticed she put pink blush-on on her cheeks. It was cute.
“Well, too bad for you, I’m excited for the ice cream. Why did you invited me…” she sit beside me “and what’s with you?” Anne asked.
“It’s my guitar and I…”
“I didn’t know you bought a guitar.” She interrupted.
“I want to surprise you… and I bring our photo albums to refresh our memories.” I smiled.

We looked at the pictures and teasing each other. We have photos when we are in vacation at Tagaytay with each other’s family. I remember she’s 8 years old and I was 9. We have different photos from different occasions. Vacation, family day, graduation, shopping time… everything.
“We look good here. Oh, I mean I am beautiful here! ”she said. She’s holding our picture on seniors promenade. I was her escort there. She was really beautiful that night wearing her metallic cyan cocktail dress.
I smiled and didn’t say a word.
“Okay, so what do you play?” She asked.
“Can you sing with me?” I was plucking the strings of my guitar and I can see in her eyes she was happy on what I am doing. I sing with all of my heart and expecting that she will get my message through the song I used.
"I don't know how you do what you do it. I'm so in love with you
And it just keeps getting better. I want to spend the rest of my life. With you by my side. Forever and ever. Every little thing that you do. Baby I'm amazed by you."

“Wow! What song is that?” she said. I am contented that she liked it.
“It is a revival of Boyz II men. Amazed is the title. Did you like it Anne?”I asked.
“I really like it Jeric! It’s very heartwarming perfor…”
“I like you too Anne… I really do,” I mean it. I hold her hand and squeeze it. I look at her hazel eyes. I don’t want anything to stop us at this very right moment. “Your every movement makes me feel alive. Your smile makes me happy. Your presence makes me feel right. Your stories bring me in your world. I love anything about you. The whole you. Anne, I am so in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Every little thing that you do… I am amazed by you. Can you be with me… forever?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anne was surprised. She feels sudden rush of mixed emotions. She run as fast as she could and she didn’t even try to look back. On the other hand, Jeric followed and tried to stop her. He knew Anne was shocked about what he said so he let her leave him. He froze and like a statue, he was a lifeless thing, a stone. Looking at the direction where Anne headed, he’s hoping Anne will come back. He realized Anne was out of sight when he feels the cold, heavy rain shower into him. He looked up in the sky and feels that from up above, they were sharing his failure… sharing tears.

Anne arrived at their house and she directed to her room. Luckily, she escapes the heavy rain. When she looked at the window she said… It’s a heavy rain. She took her umbrella and stormed to go to the park… again.
Perhaps he’s still here. She’s worried about Jeric.
She stopped. She was shocked when she saw Jeric still standing and looking at her direction. As expected, he’s totally wet and felt disappointed about his blank face. She came towards him and shares her umbrella.
“Let’s go home,” she said.
Jeric talk to her with his blank expression.”What are you doing here? You might get cold Anne.”
“I don’t care! C’mon let’s go!” she insisted.
“I’m sorry Anne,” He hold her hand. ”Even in your dreams… how I wish it was me. Your leading man. Your love. Your man.”

They remain silent despite of the heavy rain. The rain didn’t become a hindrance and they both feel it’s a perfect scene for them. It is the right time.
Right time.
“Jeric, I like you…” she said quickly.
“Huh?” he’s surprised.
“I said, I like you!” Anne shouted. “I’m sorry, you surprised me earlier that’s why I overreacted,” She showed again her lovely smile.
Jeric smiled and quickly hugged her. He wrapped his arms around her… and Anne let go of holding the umbrella. The two let the rain pour them… it’s not failure at all… its success.

It was a long day. A happy day. A successful day.

The next morning, the two see each other. They went to their favorite place. They were silent as they reminisce what happened yesterday.

After being silent, they talk about school. They know they can’t be in one school but they trust each other more than anyone else in the world. They know it will be difficult for them but they decided they will be an inspiration to each other.
“God, my family and you Jeric will be my inspiration.” said Anne.
“Me too, I love to hear that… I love you forever.” said Jeric.
“I love you too… forever.” she replied.

After two years, the two was still strong in their relationship. They were the perfect couple. They trust each other and they fall in love over again. Sometimes they argue but they never make it a big deal. They try to fix it as soon as possible. Jeric always make surprises for Anne such as a candlelight dinner, giving her favorite tulips and writing her letters and poems. On the other hand, Anne learned to bake cookies and some desserts as exchange for his love.
The two were both good in their studies. Jeric took business administration while Anne took culinary arts. They still keep their promise of being an inspiration to each other.

It was all perfect until Jeric received bad news from his mother. His father was in the middle of his meeting in New York when he had a heart attack. The next morning, Jeric and Lucy leave the Philippines to see Timothy. When they got there Lucy called Jane to tell about the sad news. They quickly go to the hospital were Timothy was checked in.

JERIC
My mom was worried to see dad. She didn’t know what to expect and what’s inside this room. As I opened the door, we saw dad was sleeping in the hospital bed. We thought he was just sleeping and everything’s okay… but it’s a mistake. Dad was unconscious and… comatose. Mom and I were silent, trying to figure out things if it’s reality… or a nightmare?

I was too busy here taking care of my father. We’ve been here for three months and dad was still unconscious. I was in full responsibility here and mom was taking care of our business. Those three months were lifeless… I never called Anne or even reading her emails. I hope she could understand my situation now. At this age of 18, I’m accepting the fact that I am their unico hijo and I will shoulder all the responsibilities of our growing companies.

After three months of being on survival stage, dad didn’t make it. He passed away at the age of 43. It’s hard to accept he was gone. I know it’s harder for mom to lose dad. She’s trying to conceal her feelings but I can saw it in her eyes. After a week, mom keeps herself busy. She work 25 hrs for exaggeration, she also travel in other countries to attend meetings and seminars. Despite of her busy schedule, mom didn’t forget to remind me of the things about business. I remember she will spend her time talking to me on the phone to talk about business things. I barely remember when she attempt to ask me ‘if I’m okay’ or “what’s happening to me’. Business, business, business is all that matters.
My mom planned to continue my studies here. She insisted the education here was better than what we have in our country. I was drowned with endless responsibilities here and in just one snap… my life was centered in our business.

ANNE

Many things happen and I forget that there is a certain thing called happiness. How can I be happy and how can I go on with my life if my life and happiness is not with me?

Few months ago, Jeric and his mother went to New York because of his father. After that situation, he never tried to contact me. I am worried about him and long to see him. I really miss my Jeric.
When he left, all I want to do is to sleep. I wanted that part of my life sleeping and no one will stop me from living in my sleep. I know when I close my eyes, I will dream of him. Atleast, even in dreams I can touch and see him.
I don’t know life without him. He means so much to me.



JERIC

I really miss Anne but after a few months, I planned to call her. I want her to know that I will continue my studies here and to say sorry about my absence.
“Hello.”
“Yes, hello, who’s this?” I really miss her voice.
“It’s Jeric,” There is a pause between our conversation. I didn’t know what she’s thinking. Before she can made her response I apologize to her. “I’m sorry Anne. I miss you. I love you. I hope you understand.
“I miss you too. I love you too. I want to see you home,” Her voice made me start to cry.
“I really wanted to see you but I planned to study here,” I pretended it’s my decision. “Can you wait for me until five years? I promise when I get there I will marry you,” I promise.
“No… I don’t need promises. I just wanted you back here.”
“Just wait for me. I love you forever.”
“I will. I love you too… forever.”
The call ended. It was a short call but very meaningful. Every single second was important. The way she talks is killing me. How I wish I had power to fly and see her whenever I wanted to… but I can’t! I really miss her.

ANNE

I was walking here at the park… I woke up this early because I wanted to see the lovely sunrise. For me, it symbolizes a new day and a new life. I sit down here… at our bench. Our favorite place. It’s my routine since Jeric left… I never forget to visit our favorite place. It’s my way to reminisce the times when we still together.

I am thinking of our last conversation. The short call. Every seconds… sound and voice are important. I always think of that part in my life. I can’t even take a day without thinking of him.

Sigh.

After seeing the sunrise and felt the heat of the sun on my skin. I decided to go home. As I stood up, I saw a man smiling at me. His smile was undefined, it seems his smile has many words to say. As I focused to his smile… I realized it was Jeric.
I felt my feet turn into stone. I couldn’t move. He came towards me, held my hand and squeezed it.
“You didn’t know how happy I am to see you again,” he said.
“You didn’t know how long I waited, I miss you so badly,” I said.
He wrapped his arms to mine and tears fall from my eyes. When he looked at my face I saw his tears rolled down to his cheeks. It’s my first time to see him crying. We sit on the bench and we recall all the things that happened in the past. We talked for hours and laugh at all time.
“Do you remember when I said I like you for the first time?” he asked.
“Of course! That moment is unforgettable. It was very romantic at that time, the sky was also celebrating with our happiness. I remember the song you sang for me. Its my favorite song after all,” I smiled to him.
We talked about that moment and it was the best. As the last rays of the sun were fading from the sky…
Jeric vanished.


I woke up and I let the sunlight flood into my room. I cry so hard. Again, it’s only a dream. I thought it was true to life… but how can I accept life like this if he was already gone?

When he was driving his way to airport… to be back home here again… he met a car accident. His car was totally crashed and there is no chance to survive. Jeric… my love… died. After I got the news from his mother… my life changed in eclipse. It was dark and lifeless. It was sad and lonely. He died after his graduation. I remember when he called me, telling me that he’s going home. He said he wanted to see me. His voice was very happy and I can even see his face while we were talking on the phone.

I never thought it was the last time I can hear his voice. I never thought it was the last time I hear he said that he loves me. And I never thought and never expected it was going to happen.
I wanted to sleep forever. I wanted to be with him forever. He’s all I ever wanted so much in my life. My Jeric… please visit me.
I need your presence. I need you. We made plans and I need you so we can make it all come true. It’s very hard for me to understand why I had lost you.

I hate life.

I hate reality.

I hate being stuck in this room. Feeling the sense of reality coming towards me and
I want to escape from this reality.

As I cry so hard… I whisper to the wind… don’t worry Jeric, we will meet again… in my dreamland…

I love you forever…